Leo

We all meet people in our lives sometimes who, at first, allure us and want us. Some of these people are only in our lives to devour what they need from us and toss us like ragged carcass into their lair as trophies. What if we didn't give these hunters their satisfactions? What if they were the king of nothing? We should never let anyone use us in this way. We are more than this.


You're the king of the jungle, a hunter
Borne rich in pride
You're so full of yourself, it's no wonder you
Can't be satisfied
Bold and irrestibly fierce you
Stalk upon your prey
All your subjects lay down for you
There is no escape
Much too haughty to be caught without some
Prize possession in tow
Feeding off of the spoils for a lifetime
All on your own
You're the cream of the crop, me, I'm only
Another fish in the sea
You're sitting high on the top, but oh how lonely
The summit seems to be

Yeah you're the king
The king of a hollowed bastion
The king who will never take action
God it's so easy when nobody's coming to challenge thy crown
You're the king, pretty baby
The king of a kingdom that's empty
The lord of a world that's descending down and stalling out
Don't you wish somebody'd save you now?

Food's becoming much more scarce now
The pride is moving away
Because this field is all you know
You will elect to stay
But all the animals know your tricks now
Tired of beng your prey
They knew you'd one day wear down
And that day is today
The jungle seems so much more empty
The fields are tattered and torn
Roaring up at the sky you're cursing
The day you were born
Unwilling to compromise you'll
Choose to stay where you are
You will die with an empty stomach
And a broken heart

Yeah you're the king
The king of a hollowed bastion
The king who will never take action
God it's so easy when nobody's coming to challenge thy crown
You're the king, pretty baby
The king of a kingdom that's empty
The lord of a world that's descending down and stalling out
Don't you wish somebody'd save you now?

The Rage Of Weltall

This song is inspired by the events that take place in the game Xenogears involving the main character Fei and the mysterious armor he is able to control called Weltall.


Borne of blood I rise
Lay waste to those I love tonight
The darkness screams my name
Ashes stain my face
Inferno crushes this whole place
An agony untamed

Have you seen the fire raging in my soul?
Dark as night eternal, flame that burns immortal
Do the demons within taunt you like they're taunting me?
Desecration smile, now exhale the vile

Breathe against the night
Haze of memories inside
Dead souls upon the cross
War becomes my mind
Death is just an oversight
I'm taking back what's lost

Have you seen the fire raging in my soul?
Dark as night eternal, flame that burns immortal
Do the demons within taunt you like they're taunting me?
Desecration smile, now exhale the vile

Sleeping demons will awaken
Sleeping demons will awaken
Sleeping demons will awaken
Sleeping demons - WAKE

Ratrace

Shattered skies raining down unspeakable misery
Swords in hands, I return

Apocalypse now, apocalypse later
No matter what we will all see the end
An ice age away or a nuclear crater
And none of you seem to give a shit
Use and use and use and use and
Fight for resources we cannot claim
Win some lose some give some screw some
Die for the forces who snuff our names

And we all wait for a paycheck
'Cause the green paper rules our lives
And you know I'm right
And we all wait for the day's end
'Cause the time clock rules our lives
And you know I'm right

Try to live now, wait to live later
No matter what we will all die
A promotion in time or perhaps something greater
The standard by which we judge our lives
Take and take and take and take and
Step on somebody to get ahead
Win some lose some give some screw some
Nine to five life, you're already dead

And we all wait for a paycheck
'Cause the green paper rules our lives
And you know I'm right
And we all wait for the day's end
'Cause the time clock rules our lives
And you know I'm right

If you wanna be something more in life
Be something more
Don't make anymore excuses
Don't be anybody's whore
There is no right time or wrong time
There is no time at all
Stand up for yourself or else
We will all watch you fall

And we all wait for a paycheck
'Cause the green paper rules our lives
And you know I'm right
And we all wait for the day's end
'Cause the time clock rules our lives
And you know I'm right

Yeah you know I'm right
Is this how you want to live your life?

Burn (Seven Years In Regret)

We loved each other once, but I have now loved you for far too long. Your time has come to fade away from me.


It's time to let you burn away
Been holding on for eternity
I've gotta suffer out my sins
So let the flames begin
Seven years in Death Valley
No shade though I'm in a dark alley
This is a fight I cannot win
So let the games begin

I used to want you
I used to want you to know everything
Everything about me - BURN
I used to love you
I used to blame myself for losing you
Now I'm glad I did - BURN

I look at your photographs
Every time I do it makes me snap
I will not let you in
So set the stage again
This curse upon my head
I cast to you instead
I'm so far over it
So turn the page again

I used to want you
I used to want you to know everything
Everything about me - BURN
I used to love you
I used to hold you in the highest place above me
Isn't she so lovely? - BURN

Burn down your palace - BURN
Tear down your name - BURN
Drink from your chalice - BURN
Of eternal shame - BURN
I felt your malice - BURN
No more my dread - BURN
Goodbye, dear Alice - BURN
Off with your head - BURN

Off with your head - BURN (x8)

Seven years I've held you in my pocket
Tonight I'm finally burning you alive
My heart beats strong for you, it's hard to stop it
But I will let this fire try

Nothing

There are times in our lives when we fall for people who we love, but eventually refuse to love us in return. Sometimes people act a certain way in the beginning of a relationship and then change altogether not long down the road to the way they originally were before you entered their lives. In that process sometimes we become altered. The lesson we must take with us is that if we are to be altered, we must be altered for the better. In this instance, I was not. It took a year and a half plus for me to get my mind right from this relationship and it will take more time to heal from it.


My head is cramped with overwhelming thoughts
Pressure running through my system
It wouldn't be so bad if you would just
Open up your mind and listen

Come to find out
Everything's lost
Maze in my mind
No way out this time

All I want is something more than

Nothing, nothing, nothing
All I want is something more than
Nothing, nothing, nothing
All I want is someting more

I do not have the luxury of an escape
I've got no other place to turn
So I will set a spark inside myself and know
That one day I will brightly burn

Done for myself
Needed no help
Rising inside
No way out this time

All I want is something more than

Nothing, nothing, nothing
All I want is someting more than
Nothing, nothing, nothing
All I want is something more

You can't deny your hand in all this wrong
Though you refuse to admit
In so many ways you led me down here
And you abandoned me in it

Your pills will not save you
The truth won't unchain you
Your lies won't contain you
Your drama won't sustain you
I could never change you
I could never tame you
I'm done playing games too
I will forever blame you

Aries

The lords of war unchain our hearts whenever given the foothold. We must not let them break us or tarry us on our narrow roads to home.

You love my soul
Then break it within the same sentence
You make me whole
Then cast me down for repentance

You bid for peace
Then arm yourself for Armageddon
You crave release
Then chain yourself to the forbidden

War is in your bloodstream
So fighting me is second nature
Taunting the world so it seems
No one can explain your behavior
You bring the best of the worst out in me
You want to test and curse all of me
You claim you love and wouldn't hurt one like me
You're a lie, but I always believe you

You love my soul
Then break it within the same sentence
You make me whole
Then cast me down for repentance

You bid for peace
Then arm yourself for Armageddon
You crave release
Then chain yourself to the forbidden

Boiling the blood in my veins
Slicing me open and salting the wounds
I'm choked on the ground as you take reign
You kiss me and say "It will be over soon"
You take my heart as you manipulate
You make the rules only you stipulate
You claim you love when your actions are hate
It's a lie, but I always believe it

You love my soul
Then break it within the same sentence
You make me whole
Then cast me down for repentance

You bid for peace
Then arm yourself for Armageddon
You crave release
Then chain yourself to the forbidden

This fight will never end
I love my enemy so dearly
I call you closest friends
I'd even say you are my family
Why do you render my life asunder?
Why do I need to feel your pain?
Why can't you just live complete I wonder?
Why can't a peaceful existence remain?

Sagittarius

The archers arrows pierce the hearts of even the smallest deadliest scorpions. On Earth I was denied a father; however, that left more room for the heavens to oversee my upbringing. No longer Earthbound, yet still filled with regret, I muse over the pain in hopes that one may understand it and that I may exorcise it.

Faceless, I've let this eat inside of me for
Ages, I can't believe that I would even
Save this hatred for you

You created a life, a Sagittarius, but you
Hated your life, and so you buried us in the
Weight of the world, and then you just dismissed us all away
Like a bad memory

But we're still here
We strive on, we thrive on
Don't need you to fulfill our destiny
So let us be

I don't care, even with how you abused us
I was there every single time you used us
I still bear too many scars in my soul from you

You created a life, a Sagittarius, but you
Gave up that life for lies and tainted love and the
Weight of it all cascades down our faces to this day
Like a bad memory

But we're still here
We strive on, we thrive on
Don't need you to live our lives complete
So just fade away

Her pain will never go away even
Though she has removed your name I wish
Her pain were your chains, 'cause
All your blood money, it never changed a thing

I live my life with virtue and honor
I bleed for mine and for that I am stronger
But every day just becomes that much harder
When I realize that I HAVE NO FATHER

We watched you lie to our face and we
Felt like such a disgrace until
Now, our lives finally turned their own page

You created a life, a Sagittarius, but her
Beauty resides, her arrows pierce the hearts of the
Fiercest in life, and one day her arrow will catch you

One day her arrow will catch you

Libra

The only inanimate sign - and such is love.

Listen to the sounds around you, can't you hear the wind that's blowing over us?
Look around with eyes unclouded, don't you see the leaves are falling next to us?
I have missed you many lifetimes over, now I see you standing by my side
I have lost so much within me, there is not a measure for the tears I've cried

And I would deny the world tonight
As you balance me, I am justified
I will align myself to you in the eyes of the sun
And we can set free the ties that bind
And I'll take your hand and you'll take mine
Together we two will become one

I look into your sapphire eyes, can't you see the pain you've washed away in me?
Running up this mountain high, don't you see that together we are finally free?
You have waited for so long to see my face, to feel my touch, to free your heart
You will wait no longer for this, I will die before this life keeps us apart

And I would deny the world tonight
As you balance me, I am justified
I will align myself to you in the eyes of the sun
And we can set free the ties that bind
And I'll take your hand and you'll take mine
Together we two will become one

And I will deny the world tonight
You balanced me out, and I'm alright
So I will align myself to you in the eyes of the sun
We'll both set free the ties that bind
And we'll take each others hands entwined
Together we two will become one

Done

The way things are never matches the way they should be. As our leaders herd us into the pits of despair and watch our oceans, our sands, our homes and our pockets run red, it seems we would be derelict to not put our attention to the top. It seems we would be loathe not to take action. Dissent, as Thomas Jefferson said, is the highest form of patriotism. We must stand as one against not only evil, but apathy and escapism. We must stand.

I'm done with the economy, done with Obama
Done with McCain, done with the drama
Done with programs you want me to watch
Done with the hands on the doomsday clock
Done with the threats, done with disputes
Done with the lies, done with the truth
Done with the stimulus I'll never receive
Done being told who I oughta believe

I've been lying to myself, and so have you
Black clouds fill our oceans, looks like we're through

We rise, we fall, we fight, we run
We die, we live, we start, and we're done

I am done with the church, done with the state
Done with the murders and done with the rape
Done with the scum who keep giving birth
Just to put our generation six feet in the dirt
Done with the gods, done with the devils
Done with the games and all the next levels
Done with the battles that I thought I'd won
Done trying to tell you how much I am done

I've been lying to myself, and so have you
Black hearts reign in office, looks like we're through

We rise, we fall, we fight, we run
We die, we live, we start, and we're done

I'm done

Gemini

An ageless enemy. A terrible choice. A person torn between two sides of themselves: the one angered, abusive, lying, compulsive and cheating; and the one loving, compassionate, yet still blackened by misconception. I made the choice to try to save this person, not knowing that this person was two people. When the weight fell on me, I was crushed and had to rise again. This is the story of my arising from true pain.

Oh

Gemini, you and I
We are close like polar opposites
Gemini, you and I
We are atom bombs on the Titanic
Gemini, you and I
We are gelling just like oil and water
Gemini, you and I
Looks like we're both prisoners in our private hell

I love this war
But I can't remember what I'm fighting for, so

I'll do anything I can
To get underneath your skin
'Cause I know you'd do the same for me
As I decimate your heart
I will tear your soul apart
You've already done the same to me

Gemini, you and I
We are blowing up like Mount Saint Helens
Gemini, you and I
We are meteors in the Yucatan
Gemini, you and I
We are frozen like the arctic tundra
Gemini, you and I
Seems we're getting along as well as they can tell

I love this war
I can't remember what we're fighting for, but

I'll do anything I can
To get underneath your skin
'Cause I know you'd do the same for me
As I decimate your heart
I will tear your soul apart
You've already done the same to me

You never cared for me
You were not there for me
You're such a travesty
Go - now - live - your - life - your - own - way
Don't - you - dare - come - back

Rainbows & Sunshine

The music business is a business centered squarely on all the deadliest sins. Taking the easy way in is letting go of your conscience and who you are as a person; emptying your cup inside so that they may mold you in your image and replace your heart with a battery. I will not be the Mouth of Sauron. No... I will kill the status quo.

Everybody wants to hear a pretty song
Sung for all the perfect pretty people
"Sell the millions for the millionaires
Don't you know this is a numbers game?"
Everybody's gotta wanna sing along
Play it back again, just drop the needle
For all your visions nobody will care
'Cause to them it all just sounds the same

But I will
Yes I will

Kill the status quo
And condemn the things I already know
Every single day is another lesson learned
Snuff your point of view
I'll give it all I've got till my life is through
And if I fail, I will fail on my own terms

Everybody wants to see a pretty face
Singing for the perfect pretty people
"Cut your hair and get a tan, boy
You should've already lost that weight"
Everybody's gonna take a look at me
A perfect body will be what they want to see
Nobody cares who wrote their favorite song
Just so long as they are looking great

But I will
Yes I will

Kill the status quo
And condemn the things I already know
Every single day is another lesson learned
Snuff your point of view
I'll give it all I've got till my life is through
And if I fail, I will fail on my own terms

This life ain't rainbows and sunshine
I'm not going away till I get mine
I don't care if you like it or not
Time never takes anyone's side
It only exists within our minds
So I'll make the best of what I've got

I will
I will

Kill the status quo
And condemn the things I already know
Every single day is another lesson learned
Snuff your point of view
I'll give it all I've got till my life is through
And if I fail, I will fail on my own terms

My
Own
Terms

For What It's Worth

Life is confusing. We feel many things day to day. On the day that this was written in October of 2009, I knew that I was feeling many negative and disturbing things. This is my way of dealing with those things; asking, crying out to the heavens and the earth, demanding answers. Funny how when we silence ourselves, we receive all the answers we once sought.

Regret - Emotion I'm stuck in
Unbelievable madness
Sadness taking over me now
Forget - Devotion I've lost here
So many demons inside
Try to take control of me now
I never know how far I'll go
Till I'm at the bottom
I look for daylight in this darkness
I can't stop it, but

I've been trying
Twenty-five years I've been lying
Nobody told me it hurts
Tell me what is happiness worth?

Undone - All my achievements
I built a castle of dust
And I expected it to last
Become - I can't believe this
This desolation of love
And I expected it to pass
I think I know how far this goes
But I'll take the road
You just never know until you go
So come on let's go, 'cause

I've been trying
Twenty-five years I've been lying
Nobody told me it hurts
Tell me what is happiness worth?
I am hiding
Twenty-five years I've been dying
Nobody can silence the hurt
Tell me what is happiness worth?

How long can you stand
When you can't understand?

Take Me Away

This was written in the throes of my teenage years. Amazing how I can see looking back on writings like this where I ended up heading in my own words, and also where I came from. It seems almost juvenile, but it also seems palpable.

I heard one day inside my head voices loud with disbelief
Overtaken slowly I watch myself turn grey with grief
Because I just don't understand the way I always feel
But inside I'm satisfied 'cause I know my life is real
They tried to take me down a step but I just stay straight up
Emptiness overlaps my head, can someone fill my cup?
I've never had it overflow, I'm wondering what it's like
I guess I never was meant to be happy in this life
Some people take short easy roads, I choose the hard and long
If this world's your idea of right, I'd much rather be wrong
Fight the good fight till I can't breathe, it's easier said than done
But this new challenge I believe that I will overcome
'Cause this affair goes so much deeper than my old surface
This time I'm fighting to believe my life was never worthless
I'm holding onto what I have in search of bigger purpose
But if staring in your face is Hell, then your name makes me nervous
So take me away, I don't wanna be here anymore with you and me killing each other silently
I'll leave today and be happy with a person that finds the heart to love me as I am

Panache

It's an adrenaline packed rush when we realize that we have nowhere to go but up and we have previously been dropped down to zero. When life turns us into Spartans and all we see are Persians, the bloodthirst of victory emblazens itself onto our hearts, and we exert that much more vim into every step we take. This song is the Battle of Thermopylae.

My life - On the cutting room floor
My life - Stolen, taken no more
My life - Turning slowly through destiny
Rise above apathy, living unselfishly

Chemical imbalance
Weighed on the scales
Turn in remembrance
Truth is unveiled
Climbing the walls of dissent
Clutching the throat of my weakness
Struggling through all these things that
Make me who I am

My life - On the cutting room floor
My life - Stolen, taken no more
My life - Turning slowly through destiny
Rise above apathy, living unselfishly

Surefire hatred
Worn through oppression
Stubborn corrosion
Anger's obsession
Fighting for reign on my actions
Striving for something to feed
Breaking the barriers 'round me
Till nothing is all that I need

My life - On the cutting room floor
My life - Stolen, taken no more
My life - Turning slowly through destiny
Rise above apathy, living unselfishly

Never surrender myself to remember this day
All that is rendered is all in the end I must pay
All that we take with us is all that gets taken away
Let light intercede with our souls and we needn't abuse ourselves

Never lose ourselves

Haiku String

Simply waxing poetic here. I will leave the meaning to the reader, because I seem to find a different one every time I read it myself.

Eyes are shot with blood
One will never understand
Why life treats us so

While grass gently grows,
Skies part red and rain on me.
What contrast is this?

I am one in mind,
Two in body, three in heart,
Many more in you.

Convolute these fears;
Presently catastrophe.
I sleep while awake

And in dreaming now
You will find a lullabye
Secretly disdained

In and of itself
Lies, no sense of solitude,
Only disarray.

Flight Of The Irresolute

We grow bored of the same old routine too quickly these days. We never take time to realize that the same old routine that we get sick of is the routine that keeps our life in balance, the success formula that has endured over time before us, the lifeblood of our civilization. If an errant crow decided to fly his own migratory pattern apart from his murder, what did he accomplish whether he makes it or not? I have always asked myself this question, yet never found the answer; I simply am too busy flying a different pattern to have found the right set of answers :).

Tall tales of black crows and white doves
I feel I've been cast from the murder
I'm not the same one you heard of
Stuck in a new form of disorder
I've flown this pattern all of my life
A new challenge awaits the beyond
I am ready to take it this time
But I'm not ready to move on

I can't see myself anymore
I refuse to be myself anymore
I wonder if I will change with the winds of time
But the jet stream seems preoccupied

Wave - smile at me
Take a while with me
Make me feel at home tonight
I don't feel alright
Hey - try to see
Deep inside of me
Take me away from this catastrophe
Somewhere else to be, there has to be
Somewhere else to be

I look to the echelon flanking me
Fly left and pair up where I seem to fit
They soar with a pattern I've never seen
And I spread my wings to glide in it
After a while, the pattern grows dull
Since I've mastered it, I fly alone
I think back to the murder of crows
That bid me to fly on my own

I can't see myself anymore
I just opened and closed my own doors
I wonder if I will change with the winds of time
But the jet stream seems preoccupied

Identity Crisis

Some days we forget who we are. On those days we do indeed bleed ourselves of everything within. Once we are done with this pity party syndrome, we must find the strength in ourselves to stop, because those of us with influence and sway do not realize the power we have to persuade others to live in the same wreckage that we find ourselves in.

My confidence is slowly bleeding itself dry
I cry out to the world in distant reverie
I cannot seem to find myself
Well, I don't think I ever really existed
I'm blanketing myself in worlds upon worlds of lies
More fake than the smiles on the faces of this planet
I drenched myself in hypocrisy
Forget my life, if you want it you can have it
I can't trust myself
I can't trust anything you do or say to me
I don't believe a single thing
I don't love myself
And I never did, I never will
I live this life without identity
I look in mirrors and see brokenness within
I formed myself from everything that looked better than me
Or did I form myself at all?
Did I wake up one morning and osmose life and fake it all?
I can't remember a choice I make
Yet I remember everything wrong that's ever been done to me
I wonder if I will see the day
Does freedom ring for me, or am I stuck in purgatory?
Am I the only one embattled with this, constant osmosis
I have no idea who I really am
Am I the only one entrenched in all that I have done wrong
Or are we all just one destructive kindred spirit?

The Ode Of Once Fatherless Sons

My father is a man set apart from the cares of the world. He brought two men into it and ruined many lives inside of it. He does not know me or my brother, though he'd like to think he does. He is responsible for nothing more than heartache and misery. It astonishes me how hard I try to set myself apart from his destiny or his image. It amazes me yet even more that knowing the men my brother and I have become that he had no part of it and that he missed out on all of it.

Headaches the size of landmines
Controlling heart rate, abated, misplaced
Ashes, reigning blackness
Assuring distaste, alluring mistakes
Someone is doctoring these memories
Someone is taking hold of me

Forgetting all I know
Has been the easiest thing to remember
It's like a wish for snow
During a heat wave in December

Entice the masses with lies
Fabrication, truth's distillation
Father at once, but no more
Condemnation, this sweet sensation
Somehow your words are piercing through my soul
Somehow I let you take control

And when your supernova soul
Gave birth to both your brightest suns,
Our radioactivity
Destroyed your chance of being one
Of those who would alter the path
(Or put your blinders on our eyes)
To light the many planets of
The system that we both call life

Synapsis of your disguise
Abusive, disgraced, elitist, filth, waste
Fatherless once, but no more
We're dropping this case, get out of our way
Someone is making brand new memories
Someone has truly set us free

Resetting all I know
Has been the easiest thing to remember
It's time for letting go
To clean this floor of dying embers

Breaking The Fourth Commandment

Some people in this world say the word "God" too much. They use it as a shield, a defense for all of their empty actions and miserable words. "God told me to do this." Most times however, it seems that God is used in the same context that an alcoholic uses alcohol. That a bipolar disorder sufferer uses his or her illness. That anyone with an excuse uses one. Only a fool dares to know the motive of God, and only a bigger fool stamps God's approval on their own message as though they know their will runs alongside his own. Such arrogance only results in demise.

You're so pious with lies
You can't deny your disguise
You caused a riot inside
And now this fire won't die
You have salted my wounds
Take a look if you choose
You're mistaken to think you're
The only human God talks to

I can't wait till you're yesterday's news
I can't wait till you're battered and bruised like me
Clueless to the world, but you're one of us
Drop God's name like you coined the phrase
I'm not playing your self-righteous games, no way
Your facade's torn down and I have had enough

You shield yourself with a word
But I guess you never heard
That when you drag it through dirt
It might as well be a curse
He is not your excuse
And He will not be your ruse
You have to live your life by living
Because hiding just won't do

I can't wait till you're yesterday's news
I can't wait till you're battered and bruised like me
Clueless to the world, but you're one of us
Drop God's name like you coined the phrase
I'm not playing your self-righteous games, no way
Your facade's torn down and I have had enough

There's a whole world outside your doorstep
You can dismiss it if you'd like
Could've sworn your mission involved footsteps
You need to swallow your own pride
It's one thing to worship something
It's another to have trophy-like displays
Sometimes you don't have utter curses
To take somebody else's name in vain