Done

The way things are never matches the way they should be. As our leaders herd us into the pits of despair and watch our oceans, our sands, our homes and our pockets run red, it seems we would be derelict to not put our attention to the top. It seems we would be loathe not to take action. Dissent, as Thomas Jefferson said, is the highest form of patriotism. We must stand as one against not only evil, but apathy and escapism. We must stand.

I'm done with the economy, done with Obama
Done with McCain, done with the drama
Done with programs you want me to watch
Done with the hands on the doomsday clock
Done with the threats, done with disputes
Done with the lies, done with the truth
Done with the stimulus I'll never receive
Done being told who I oughta believe

I've been lying to myself, and so have you
Black clouds fill our oceans, looks like we're through

We rise, we fall, we fight, we run
We die, we live, we start, and we're done

I am done with the church, done with the state
Done with the murders and done with the rape
Done with the scum who keep giving birth
Just to put our generation six feet in the dirt
Done with the gods, done with the devils
Done with the games and all the next levels
Done with the battles that I thought I'd won
Done trying to tell you how much I am done

I've been lying to myself, and so have you
Black hearts reign in office, looks like we're through

We rise, we fall, we fight, we run
We die, we live, we start, and we're done

I'm done

Gemini

An ageless enemy. A terrible choice. A person torn between two sides of themselves: the one angered, abusive, lying, compulsive and cheating; and the one loving, compassionate, yet still blackened by misconception. I made the choice to try to save this person, not knowing that this person was two people. When the weight fell on me, I was crushed and had to rise again. This is the story of my arising from true pain.

Oh

Gemini, you and I
We are close like polar opposites
Gemini, you and I
We are atom bombs on the Titanic
Gemini, you and I
We are gelling just like oil and water
Gemini, you and I
Looks like we're both prisoners in our private hell

I love this war
But I can't remember what I'm fighting for, so

I'll do anything I can
To get underneath your skin
'Cause I know you'd do the same for me
As I decimate your heart
I will tear your soul apart
You've already done the same to me

Gemini, you and I
We are blowing up like Mount Saint Helens
Gemini, you and I
We are meteors in the Yucatan
Gemini, you and I
We are frozen like the arctic tundra
Gemini, you and I
Seems we're getting along as well as they can tell

I love this war
I can't remember what we're fighting for, but

I'll do anything I can
To get underneath your skin
'Cause I know you'd do the same for me
As I decimate your heart
I will tear your soul apart
You've already done the same to me

You never cared for me
You were not there for me
You're such a travesty
Go - now - live - your - life - your - own - way
Don't - you - dare - come - back

Rainbows & Sunshine

The music business is a business centered squarely on all the deadliest sins. Taking the easy way in is letting go of your conscience and who you are as a person; emptying your cup inside so that they may mold you in your image and replace your heart with a battery. I will not be the Mouth of Sauron. No... I will kill the status quo.

Everybody wants to hear a pretty song
Sung for all the perfect pretty people
"Sell the millions for the millionaires
Don't you know this is a numbers game?"
Everybody's gotta wanna sing along
Play it back again, just drop the needle
For all your visions nobody will care
'Cause to them it all just sounds the same

But I will
Yes I will

Kill the status quo
And condemn the things I already know
Every single day is another lesson learned
Snuff your point of view
I'll give it all I've got till my life is through
And if I fail, I will fail on my own terms

Everybody wants to see a pretty face
Singing for the perfect pretty people
"Cut your hair and get a tan, boy
You should've already lost that weight"
Everybody's gonna take a look at me
A perfect body will be what they want to see
Nobody cares who wrote their favorite song
Just so long as they are looking great

But I will
Yes I will

Kill the status quo
And condemn the things I already know
Every single day is another lesson learned
Snuff your point of view
I'll give it all I've got till my life is through
And if I fail, I will fail on my own terms

This life ain't rainbows and sunshine
I'm not going away till I get mine
I don't care if you like it or not
Time never takes anyone's side
It only exists within our minds
So I'll make the best of what I've got

I will
I will

Kill the status quo
And condemn the things I already know
Every single day is another lesson learned
Snuff your point of view
I'll give it all I've got till my life is through
And if I fail, I will fail on my own terms

My
Own
Terms

For What It's Worth

Life is confusing. We feel many things day to day. On the day that this was written in October of 2009, I knew that I was feeling many negative and disturbing things. This is my way of dealing with those things; asking, crying out to the heavens and the earth, demanding answers. Funny how when we silence ourselves, we receive all the answers we once sought.

Regret - Emotion I'm stuck in
Unbelievable madness
Sadness taking over me now
Forget - Devotion I've lost here
So many demons inside
Try to take control of me now
I never know how far I'll go
Till I'm at the bottom
I look for daylight in this darkness
I can't stop it, but

I've been trying
Twenty-five years I've been lying
Nobody told me it hurts
Tell me what is happiness worth?

Undone - All my achievements
I built a castle of dust
And I expected it to last
Become - I can't believe this
This desolation of love
And I expected it to pass
I think I know how far this goes
But I'll take the road
You just never know until you go
So come on let's go, 'cause

I've been trying
Twenty-five years I've been lying
Nobody told me it hurts
Tell me what is happiness worth?
I am hiding
Twenty-five years I've been dying
Nobody can silence the hurt
Tell me what is happiness worth?

How long can you stand
When you can't understand?

Take Me Away

This was written in the throes of my teenage years. Amazing how I can see looking back on writings like this where I ended up heading in my own words, and also where I came from. It seems almost juvenile, but it also seems palpable.

I heard one day inside my head voices loud with disbelief
Overtaken slowly I watch myself turn grey with grief
Because I just don't understand the way I always feel
But inside I'm satisfied 'cause I know my life is real
They tried to take me down a step but I just stay straight up
Emptiness overlaps my head, can someone fill my cup?
I've never had it overflow, I'm wondering what it's like
I guess I never was meant to be happy in this life
Some people take short easy roads, I choose the hard and long
If this world's your idea of right, I'd much rather be wrong
Fight the good fight till I can't breathe, it's easier said than done
But this new challenge I believe that I will overcome
'Cause this affair goes so much deeper than my old surface
This time I'm fighting to believe my life was never worthless
I'm holding onto what I have in search of bigger purpose
But if staring in your face is Hell, then your name makes me nervous
So take me away, I don't wanna be here anymore with you and me killing each other silently
I'll leave today and be happy with a person that finds the heart to love me as I am

Panache

It's an adrenaline packed rush when we realize that we have nowhere to go but up and we have previously been dropped down to zero. When life turns us into Spartans and all we see are Persians, the bloodthirst of victory emblazens itself onto our hearts, and we exert that much more vim into every step we take. This song is the Battle of Thermopylae.

My life - On the cutting room floor
My life - Stolen, taken no more
My life - Turning slowly through destiny
Rise above apathy, living unselfishly

Chemical imbalance
Weighed on the scales
Turn in remembrance
Truth is unveiled
Climbing the walls of dissent
Clutching the throat of my weakness
Struggling through all these things that
Make me who I am

My life - On the cutting room floor
My life - Stolen, taken no more
My life - Turning slowly through destiny
Rise above apathy, living unselfishly

Surefire hatred
Worn through oppression
Stubborn corrosion
Anger's obsession
Fighting for reign on my actions
Striving for something to feed
Breaking the barriers 'round me
Till nothing is all that I need

My life - On the cutting room floor
My life - Stolen, taken no more
My life - Turning slowly through destiny
Rise above apathy, living unselfishly

Never surrender myself to remember this day
All that is rendered is all in the end I must pay
All that we take with us is all that gets taken away
Let light intercede with our souls and we needn't abuse ourselves

Never lose ourselves

Haiku String

Simply waxing poetic here. I will leave the meaning to the reader, because I seem to find a different one every time I read it myself.

Eyes are shot with blood
One will never understand
Why life treats us so

While grass gently grows,
Skies part red and rain on me.
What contrast is this?

I am one in mind,
Two in body, three in heart,
Many more in you.

Convolute these fears;
Presently catastrophe.
I sleep while awake

And in dreaming now
You will find a lullabye
Secretly disdained

In and of itself
Lies, no sense of solitude,
Only disarray.

Flight Of The Irresolute

We grow bored of the same old routine too quickly these days. We never take time to realize that the same old routine that we get sick of is the routine that keeps our life in balance, the success formula that has endured over time before us, the lifeblood of our civilization. If an errant crow decided to fly his own migratory pattern apart from his murder, what did he accomplish whether he makes it or not? I have always asked myself this question, yet never found the answer; I simply am too busy flying a different pattern to have found the right set of answers :).

Tall tales of black crows and white doves
I feel I've been cast from the murder
I'm not the same one you heard of
Stuck in a new form of disorder
I've flown this pattern all of my life
A new challenge awaits the beyond
I am ready to take it this time
But I'm not ready to move on

I can't see myself anymore
I refuse to be myself anymore
I wonder if I will change with the winds of time
But the jet stream seems preoccupied

Wave - smile at me
Take a while with me
Make me feel at home tonight
I don't feel alright
Hey - try to see
Deep inside of me
Take me away from this catastrophe
Somewhere else to be, there has to be
Somewhere else to be

I look to the echelon flanking me
Fly left and pair up where I seem to fit
They soar with a pattern I've never seen
And I spread my wings to glide in it
After a while, the pattern grows dull
Since I've mastered it, I fly alone
I think back to the murder of crows
That bid me to fly on my own

I can't see myself anymore
I just opened and closed my own doors
I wonder if I will change with the winds of time
But the jet stream seems preoccupied

Identity Crisis

Some days we forget who we are. On those days we do indeed bleed ourselves of everything within. Once we are done with this pity party syndrome, we must find the strength in ourselves to stop, because those of us with influence and sway do not realize the power we have to persuade others to live in the same wreckage that we find ourselves in.

My confidence is slowly bleeding itself dry
I cry out to the world in distant reverie
I cannot seem to find myself
Well, I don't think I ever really existed
I'm blanketing myself in worlds upon worlds of lies
More fake than the smiles on the faces of this planet
I drenched myself in hypocrisy
Forget my life, if you want it you can have it
I can't trust myself
I can't trust anything you do or say to me
I don't believe a single thing
I don't love myself
And I never did, I never will
I live this life without identity
I look in mirrors and see brokenness within
I formed myself from everything that looked better than me
Or did I form myself at all?
Did I wake up one morning and osmose life and fake it all?
I can't remember a choice I make
Yet I remember everything wrong that's ever been done to me
I wonder if I will see the day
Does freedom ring for me, or am I stuck in purgatory?
Am I the only one embattled with this, constant osmosis
I have no idea who I really am
Am I the only one entrenched in all that I have done wrong
Or are we all just one destructive kindred spirit?

The Ode Of Once Fatherless Sons

My father is a man set apart from the cares of the world. He brought two men into it and ruined many lives inside of it. He does not know me or my brother, though he'd like to think he does. He is responsible for nothing more than heartache and misery. It astonishes me how hard I try to set myself apart from his destiny or his image. It amazes me yet even more that knowing the men my brother and I have become that he had no part of it and that he missed out on all of it.

Headaches the size of landmines
Controlling heart rate, abated, misplaced
Ashes, reigning blackness
Assuring distaste, alluring mistakes
Someone is doctoring these memories
Someone is taking hold of me

Forgetting all I know
Has been the easiest thing to remember
It's like a wish for snow
During a heat wave in December

Entice the masses with lies
Fabrication, truth's distillation
Father at once, but no more
Condemnation, this sweet sensation
Somehow your words are piercing through my soul
Somehow I let you take control

And when your supernova soul
Gave birth to both your brightest suns,
Our radioactivity
Destroyed your chance of being one
Of those who would alter the path
(Or put your blinders on our eyes)
To light the many planets of
The system that we both call life

Synapsis of your disguise
Abusive, disgraced, elitist, filth, waste
Fatherless once, but no more
We're dropping this case, get out of our way
Someone is making brand new memories
Someone has truly set us free

Resetting all I know
Has been the easiest thing to remember
It's time for letting go
To clean this floor of dying embers

Breaking The Fourth Commandment

Some people in this world say the word "God" too much. They use it as a shield, a defense for all of their empty actions and miserable words. "God told me to do this." Most times however, it seems that God is used in the same context that an alcoholic uses alcohol. That a bipolar disorder sufferer uses his or her illness. That anyone with an excuse uses one. Only a fool dares to know the motive of God, and only a bigger fool stamps God's approval on their own message as though they know their will runs alongside his own. Such arrogance only results in demise.

You're so pious with lies
You can't deny your disguise
You caused a riot inside
And now this fire won't die
You have salted my wounds
Take a look if you choose
You're mistaken to think you're
The only human God talks to

I can't wait till you're yesterday's news
I can't wait till you're battered and bruised like me
Clueless to the world, but you're one of us
Drop God's name like you coined the phrase
I'm not playing your self-righteous games, no way
Your facade's torn down and I have had enough

You shield yourself with a word
But I guess you never heard
That when you drag it through dirt
It might as well be a curse
He is not your excuse
And He will not be your ruse
You have to live your life by living
Because hiding just won't do

I can't wait till you're yesterday's news
I can't wait till you're battered and bruised like me
Clueless to the world, but you're one of us
Drop God's name like you coined the phrase
I'm not playing your self-righteous games, no way
Your facade's torn down and I have had enough

There's a whole world outside your doorstep
You can dismiss it if you'd like
Could've sworn your mission involved footsteps
You need to swallow your own pride
It's one thing to worship something
It's another to have trophy-like displays
Sometimes you don't have utter curses
To take somebody else's name in vain