There Is No Other Way

I tried taking the mountain pass
My knees collapsed and my chest was an icicle
I tried to take the valley
My ears rang and my nose clogged
I tried to cross the middle ground
My mind told me constantly 'we are lost'
So I tried to turn around and go back
I felt defeated, but comfortable
I beamed and smiled joyfully at my mistakes and glories
All waiting for me just as I had left them
I conversed with the inanimate
I laughed with the noncorporeal
I forgot my struggles as I fell asleep with what I knew
Surely there is no other way
That forward business is scary stuff
Just pull me back to safety
Don't lure me into untold pains
I can't bear the thought of leaving this behind
I am happy here, and so are my things
The wind whispers in my ear a reminder
Had I never journeyed, I would have never gained
Curse the wind

Soldier

I'm not what you're looking for
I promise you I'm not
Peace won't prepare your heart for war
And this conflict's all I've got
Just turn back the way you came
Regroup, repent, restore
One truth will solemnly remain
I'm not what you searched for
I'm broken, bitter, surely so
But I see through balanced eyes
I'm pulled beneath the undertow
But again I will rise
You fear what you don't understand
So you probably fear me
You are searching for a great man
But instead you just found me
I've put up lots of warning signs
I've tried to drop the hint
You thought I overdramatized
Took for granted what I meant
I don't trust your words or mind or heart
Hell I don't even trust mine
As many years as it's been ripped apart
It's amazing I'm alive
So before you look at me and think
'I could love someone like that'
Take a moment to consider things
My heart still feels under attack
So if you feel like you're on my side
And you're down to fight a war
Win or lose, with me you'll end the ride
I might be what you're looking for

Adorare

I cleansed my palate with gasoline today
You kissed my lips
Your match was lit
I immolated while you escaped
Stop - drop - role model?
Maybe
Extinguish me, lady
Put me out
Don't walk by while I'm dry
This is one hell of a drought
Put me out, put me out
My skin's ashen, in fumes
Don't you know that I worship?
My heart's enshrined to you
I am down on my knees
Igneous deformity
Hideous calamity
Don't give me up, dammit, please
What's the use
When I know you're a star
The light burned out so long ago
But I can't help that your gravity gets me going
Ellipse, I'm eclipsed
You persist, I resist
You insist, I'm remissed
I will cease to exist
If you cease and desist
So appease me with this
Won't you please just fall in the abyss?

Cliffhanger

When your eyes breeze through me like poetry
I feel like I'm falling from a cliff top
Right before I hit the ground, I am saved
By the grace of your gaze
Undermine my stubbornness with all that you are
Fire blazing, devouring, conquering the setting dark
Cliff diving couldn't defeat my awakening
In your steady, wind-rushed arms
I never do get used to salvation
Always attacking from the valley, marching the troops
To a surely insurmountable advancement
That is of course until you showed up
My resources were depleted
I was forced to the edge of a canyon's cliff
As I was prodded to the edge by my enemy
There you were, locking eyes with me
My grimace turned to a smile and my heart burst with joy
Life played back like a film in reverse
You were in every frame, smiling, laughing, dancing
We were so fragile
So enduring
So in love
A tear I didn't know my eyes concealed welled up as I smiled
When you smiled back at me, I smiled and said I loved you
Right before I hit the ground

Architecture Of Anger

Anger is a cage, but who is the prisoner?
Steel fortress shuns all visitors
Once you're in, you don't come out
If you're out, you won't ever make it in
The drawbridge is electrified
The walls are superconductive
The moat flows thick with sulfuric acid
Inside the fortress lies three men, guarding a secret
One is the architect
The other a maintenance man
The third a warden
Deep below the vaults lie a beast
The beast has not stopped howling for decades
Beaten, enslaved, depraved
It does not understand why it is there
It is hideous in form, unrelenting and volatile
It has destroyed the underbelly where a brilliant palace once stood
It destroyed every iteration of the palace several times
The warden wants it dead, but knows it is too strong
He locks it down and watches it, knowing it will kill if free
The maintenance man wants only to remain busily neutral
So long as his life can continue as it is
The architect is fascinated by it and quietly understands it
Even more so quietly, he empathizes with it
For years this has gone on
If only they knew that they were all parts of the same person
The architect
The worker
The warden
The beast
All are the prisoner in the cage of anger
All are the same person
That person is me
For so many years I have watched myself become consumed
I don't forgive. I don't forget. I don't let go.
Of anything.
Once you wrong me, you've wronged me forever
You mistrusted me once, doubted me once, questioned me once
I never live it down
I punish you forever
I punish myself tenfold
I understand your every fear
You were completely rational to doubt me and to question me
No human is perfect, especially not I
Yet I hold myself to such a standard, and you as well
That I cannot seem to let go of what you did to me
Nay, even more, I cannot seem to let go of what I did to you
I keep asking myself why you questioned, doubted, feared, mistrusted
I probe and probe until I become the problem
I drill and drill until I hate myself
Until I kill myself inside
Until I believe you want to kill me too
Anger is the cage
I am the beast
I am the worker
I am the warden
I am the architect
I am the prisoner
I don't know how to break free
But it's time I started trying