Para Bellum

What if I told you
I'm always at war with myself?
What if I said
I won't give up, I'll never lose
What if I tried and tried
But failed almost every time?
Do you even know
Which one of me you're talking to?

Stand beside me
Don't deny me
It's impossible to settle this score
Fighting myself
By myself
If you want peace, prepare for war

What did you tell me
The day you left me for dead?
What did you leave me?
Tortured memories in my head
I cannot believe my eyes
What a wasted sacrifice
What did you expect?
When you cut me open, I bled

Stand beside me
Don't deny me
It's impossible to settle this score
Fighting myself
By myself
If you want peace, prepare for war

I cannot erase you
I cannot replace you
I'm doing the best I can
Down on the frontline
Toes curl on the landmines
But I dare not give in to you

Stand beside me
Don't deny me
It's impossible to settle this score
Fighting myself
By myself
If you want peace, prepare for war

Walk With Me

I could get caught up in your life
It's not that difficult
I could get sidelined by your smile
That's so typical
The major chords strum gracefully
But the minor chords, to me, are just so memorable

I could remember all the times
I fell in love again
I could just relish simple life
And try to settle in
I could spend every waking moment
Making tea and vicariously adventuring

But why should I conform to what you think is best for me?
"I'll never be the norm," I scream to all the deities
I'll sing this chorus at your rooftop while my voice cracks out of key
And I will wish that for this moment you would stop

And walk with me

I wish you would walk with me

I could chase money, could chase women
That's so commonplace
I could throw everything inside
To fill my empty space
But I've got my eyes on bigger prizes
There will be no compromises in my glory days

I could tell you my whole life's story
Let you deep inside
I could try to control my anger
Try to kill my pride
I could jettison myself away
And rebuild brick by brick, but I would rather die

And why should I conform to what you think is best for me?
I said I'd never be the norm, so normal I will never be
I'll shout my lungs out while you're dreaming in bed far away from me
And I will wish during that moment you'd awaken

And walk with me

I wish you would walk with me

This isn't easy, I know
I've been going so long solo
But sometimes life is hard for me to put in words
I'll take your breath away again
I will intertwine with your skin
And I will make your body shiver till it hurts
But this is one pain that you'd wish for
A feeling so innately blissful
A feeling I have had inside me every day
And I will bear inside your mind
The same way that you bear in mine
And I believe that we will one day find our way

So I will never conform to what you think is meant to be
'Cause if I did that, you and I both would think so much less of me
I'll keep on shouting out for you until you shout right back to me
And then I'll smile and hold your hand and watch the stars

As you walk with me

Reproba Gaudium

When it rains, it pours
When it pours, it floods
I don't expect you'd understand
When I fall, it's far
When I'm down, I reach
But I've never seen a helping hand

We all collide effortlessly into another
Magnetized by our vices, our petty compromises

My toe's on the line
At war all the time
I don't expect to ever win
When I hit, it's hard
When you fall, you die
And you will never breathe again

Don't you remember the place you would go to escape?
The place where your dreams were fulfilled and your soul was alive?
I can imagine it now in the blackness of dusk
I can see beautiful stars past the blood and the rust
Rollicking meadows of beauty inspired my heart
Broken bones healed, tears rolled down but weren't such a bad thing
Sun sets and rises and I knew wasn't alone
Peasants and criminals borne of the same blood as kings

There was a time in my innocent youth I recall
Wanting to answer the voices of missions and war
Happy the thoughts of a victory upon a hill
Never quite sure why I'm fighting or truly what for
Now looking back I want to reprimand my young self
Not too harsh, no, just avert my eyes from foolish glory
Hubris like that wrings a debt in the soul of a man
I just hope I still have time to rewrite my own story

Basura

I would give anything
To take the foot of your perfect little life
Off of my undeserving throat
I'm just so sick of all the comparisons
Somehow you're always in the right
I don't care because I'm always choked

I'm prepared to breathe fire
I'm ready to mourn the loss
I'm prepared to be severed
Pseudo martyr, get off that fucking cross

I would trade almost anything
To see your happiness once again
I don't know why that's so impossible
I'm so sick of the despair within
I'd just as soon plunge that dagger in
Before I let you climb that pedestal

I'm prepared to breathe fire
I'm ready to mourn the loss
I'm prepared to be severed
Pseudo martyr, get off that fucking cross

I made a mistake today
Just the same as yesterday
Curse me as you would have done
At least the mistake was mine
I own it and that's alright
Your way is not the only one

Your way is not the only way
I am wrong, that doesn't mean you're right
Your god is not the only god
This is war, but I don't have to fight

I'm prepared to breathe fire
I'm ready to mourn the loss
I'm prepared to be severed
Pseudo martyr, get off that fucking cross

Get off that fucking cross
Get off your pedestal
Your sacrifice was vain
Your life, so typical

Happy New Year

You can't please anyone
With anything
Happy New Year
Now run your head through the nearest wall
So eager to find a reason
So tempted to find the ending
Happy New Year
Let the guilt trips crush your soul
You have no shelter, no comfort
Forced to live up to comparisons
Happy New Year
You'll never be as good as the 2nd or 10th letters of the alphabet
Keep looking over your shoulder
While you're running off the cliff
Happy New Year
You failed me again
Take every word I say to heart
Don't dare breathe a word of your own
Happy New Year
Now feel some fresh served pain
You're not good enough to or for me
I will amplify all of your wrongs
Happy New Year
I'm sick of you
I promise I'm not keeping score
But that doesn't mean I'm not playing games
Happy New Year
You'll never win